The Complaint Department
You think you have a complaint? I, Lily, the loving kitty whom they're supposed to worship was left out of their wedding. Replaced by Lily flowers. When my family goes on vacation, I get to go to "kitty camp." Do you even know what "kitty camp" is?!
If you think you can top that, I'm all ears. But unless someone is replacing you with an inaniment object, I suggest you take your frustrations on a piece of shoelace so we can get back to the important issues - busting me out of camp.